AUTONOMY: OWNERSHIP ISN'T AUTOMATIC

I believe every human being has the absolute right to autonomy, to choose their own destiny. The thing is, autonomy isn’t self-executing. Put another way, ownership isn’t automatic. This belief came into stark relief for me in around 2010. 

If you’ve read my prior post about my belief in service, you know about my background. I’ve had three chapters of service in my adult life: Chapter 1 - Registered Respiratory Therapist; Chapter 2 - Lawyer; Chapter 3 - Coach for accomplished seekers.

Here’s the brutal truth. Up until about 2010, I was rudderless. I didn’t have a vision, a life plan, or anything big to draw me forward. Sure, I had made decisions in my life, but they weren’t strategic or meaningful.

Professionally, I became an Registered Respiratory Therapist and moved to San Diego; I decided to become an attorney and, through dedication and focus, did quite well in law school; I decided to move to Boise and accept a clerkship at the Idaho Court of Appeals; I decided to open a law firm in 2006 with two of my friends. Personally, I decided to marry my best friend Michelle; I decided to be a truly present parent to Allie. But, honestly, I didn’t have any plan; I didn’t have a north star. 

I was sitting along the Boise River watching the rafters float by on a hot summer’s day. Just another ordinary day up until that point. Then the image of a raft floating by jolted me. I sat bolt upright. My life was like one of those rafters, but without any paddles. I was at the whim and the will of the river of my life. I could wind up safely at the end of my journey, or I could wind up coming up short because I was pushed into the bank. I could experience the satisfaction of a completed trip, or I could be plunged into the strainers that dot the river and my life could be in jeopardy. My ultimate destination wasn’t up to me…it was up to the river! I realized then my autonomy wasn’t self-executing, that ownership over my life and my destiny was not automatic.

On that day I vowed to put both my oars in the water. I was an autonomous being with the ability to choose my own destiny, chart a path to achieving that future, and become a different person along the journey.

Ask yourself: “Do I have both oars in the water? Am I doing all I can to own my life; my destiny?” Working with me, you’ll learn what it means to really own your future; to design it; to be drawn to it; to achieve it. We’ll radically re-wire your mindset so that you get out of your own way when setting and achieving big things, the things you were put on the planet to achieve, re-define your legacy, and re-design your systems. We’ll reclaim your life so you experience an enhanced sense of meaning, and full and satisfying relationships. You’ll become the leader you were meant to be, a leader living with purpose and intention.

If you’d like to learn more about what a coaching relationship with me can mean to you, CLICK HERE to reserve a 30-minute appointment with me.

SERVICE: DOING FOR OTHERS IS HONORABLE; DOING FOR OTHERS AND YOURSELF IS NOBLE

I believe in service; in fact, service is my number one core value. Everyone believes doing for others is honorable; and it is. Doing for others is not the ultimate level of service. Doing for others and yourself is noble.

I have served others all of my adult life. The first chapter of service was when I was a Registered Respiratory Therapist working in hospitals in New York City, New Jersey, and San Diego. I served critically ill patients at the beginning of the AIDS epidemic, those with life-threatening illness, and those with horrific traumatic injuries. The second chapter of service was my legal career where I served plaintiffs in employment matters and, ultimately, those accused of crimes, from the most petty to the most serious. As you might imagine, serving in these capacities was taxing, stressful, and draining. 

It was during this almost thirty years of service that I came to realize

There was an aha moment, though. A moment when I came to realize the most important part of serving, of doing for others. A moment of such clarity I’ll never forget it. It holds the same power of nostalgia as, say, remembering where you were when Neil Armstrong stepped foot on the moon (yes, I remember that), or where you were when the Challenger exploded (yes, I remember that), or where you were when President Regan was shot (yep, I remember that too). It has this power because it, quite literally, was the day my life changed forever. 

My turning point was a snowy December night in 2007. It had been thirteen months since we had opened Kormanik, Hallam & Sneed LLP, the law firm I co-founded with two of my best friends, Guy and Brad. I had been working hard to serve my clients and grow the practice. I had been focused on ensuring my partners’ families experienced the success which we would create with our work. I was hell-bent on ensuring our staff was engaged and treated well. I was making certain my wife and daughter were taken care of. But I knew I wasn’t at my best, that I wasn’t fulfilling my full potential for my partners, our staff, or our families. There was one aspect of service missing.

On that snowy December night, I came to realize that doing for others is honorable, but doing for others without serving your own needs is a recipe for, if not disaster, certainly falling short. It was on that night I realized serving others and yourself is noble. In fact, without the critical component of self-serving, the system breaks down and you wind up serving from a less-than position: less-than your best, less-than all out, less-than sustainable.

People will tell you serving yourself is selfish. It isn’t. They will say doing for others and ignoring your own needs is noble. That’s complete and utter bullshit.

You can’t possibly do for others in the way you want to without also focusing on doing for yourself. The fact of the matter is, to serve others to the greatest extent, you must, at times, come first. 

Does that feel uncomfortable for you? Do you think that’s selfish? Do you also recognize there’s truth to what I believe?

If I’ve described your reaction, we should have a conversation and explore whether a coaching relationship between us could level up your service of others. Working with me we’ll dig deep and identify what the core thought behind your discomfort for you to hold up and explore. Doing this work will allow you to serve others in your law practice — colleagues, staff, clients — in your family, and in your community to an extent you never believed possible. I’ll help you get out of your own head, ignore what others say about self-service, which will, ultimately, lead you create extraordinary wealth through greater legacy, impact, freedom, and energy (L.I.F.E.). Simply put, you’ll go from honorable to noble.

If you’d like to learn more about what a coaching relationship with me can mean to you, CLICK HERE to take a short survey and reserve a 30-minute appointment with me.

POTENTIAL: HUMANITY IS HUNGRY FOR YOUR GREATNESS

I believe in the limitless potential of every human being. In fact, I think humanity is hungry for your greatness regardless of what the voice in your head may be telling you.. 

I was raised in a moderately religious Episcopalian family. Which is to say we attend church most Sundays, I was an altar boy, etc. So, I was raised to believe we were all made in God’s image. How could anyone made in God’s image not have limitless potential, not have greatness within themselves? 

Slowly, over time, my belief system changed; the reasons are for another day. 

I came to believe instead that, because we are all made of the stuff of the stars (look it up if you don’t believe me, according to scientists, nearly all of the elements that make up the human body were made in stars). If that was true, think of what it took for you, me, everyone on the planet, to come into existence. Although I may no longer be a religious person, I am deeply spiritual. That deep spirituality leads me to the same conclusion: we all have limitless potential and have greatness within us. Because this is true, humanity as a whole not only wants you to be great, it is hungry for your greatness. (If you haven’t read my post on DIGNITY, this is follows naturally from my belief in the dignity of all people.)

To be clear, greatness has nothing to do with the amount of money you amass nor does it have to do with winning or losing. Greatness, as I define it, means living up to your individual potential in the truest sense of the word. It is being able to look in the mirror and, with brutal honesty, say you’ve reached, and done all you could to the best of your current ability and, if I’m being honest, even beyond that current ability. It means challenging yourself to grow, every day. It means being a bit uncomfortable because it is in that discomfort, that reaching, that growth occurs. 

There was a time, a few years ago, when I looked at myself in the mirror and asked myself whether I was living up to my full potential and, with brutal honesty, I said “no.” That was the moment I decided I needed someone on the outside to challenge me in ways I couldn’t challenge myself. A person to help me see my blind spots and who also didn’t have a dog in the fight. A trained individual who would help me to not only cast a big vision (I’ve always been able to dream pretty big), but to then put the systems in place to achieve that big vision by evolving to become a new person. I hired my first coach and my world hasn’t been the same since. 

I challenge you to take that hard look in the mirror. I dare you to be brutally honest with yourself. Ask the question: “Am I living a life that is the fullest expression of all I am?”  If your answer makes you slump over and feel like you’ve been punched in the gut (either figuratively or literally), we should have a conversation about working together. Because working with me, a person who knows all about what it is like to have a lawyer brain, will make all the difference. You’ll unlock the platinum cage that keeps you thinking small. You’ll be able to move past that inner voice. You’ll care less about what others say is success and you’ll chart your own path, to your own successful law practice. You’ll amass wealth — legacy, impact, freedom, and energy — beyond your dreams. You’ll finally live up to your limitless potential. 

The work will be challenging and, so, it isn’t for everyone. In fact, the kind of work I do with clients is for a very select few. I work exclusively with lawyers who are accomplished seekers. These are leaders and/or professionals everyone thinks are successful but secretly feel like something is missing. They are actively seeking to reclaim their life, infuse purpose into their career, and live with more joy and intention. They are unique individuals who can be brutally honest with themselves and accept the fact that they need someone who help them level up. 

If you’d like to learn more about what a coaching relationship with me can mean to you, CLICK HERE to reserve a 30-minute appointment with me.

POWER: IT'S WEAKNESS TO ALLOW OTHERS TO DEFINE YOUR SUCCESS

I believe every person is endowed with immeasurable and limitless POWER. Because of this belief, it is weakness to allow others to define your success. 

I came to this belief over the course of my entire adult life. It began when I was leaving my childhood home at 271 Cleveland Avenue, Hasbrouck Heights, NJ (exit 16W or 163…IYKYK). On that October 31, 1986, my car was loaded up with my meager worldly belongings. As I hugged and kissed my mother goodbye, she looked me in the eyes and said to me: “You’ll be back in six months.” She thought I would live small in San Diego, and come home. This move was a lark and I would treat it as such. Her definition of success for me was six whole months! Were the first six months in San Diego “easy’? Of course not. Would it have been weakness to turn tail and go home because it wasn’t? Yes. 

Next, I was a “success” as a Registered Respiratory Therapist; a career I pursued for over a decade. I moved up and came to not only be excellent in patient care, but as the leader of a team of forty people. When I began exploring changing careers to become a lawyer, some counseled against it. I was married, with a two-year-old daughter, a house, a mortgage, a dog. I was a success in their eyes, why would I want to “throw that all away”? It would have been weak to stay and live what others defined as a successful life. 

My belief was finally cemented when I made the decision to leave a successful career as a lawyer and law firm owner to pursue my passion of coaching attorneys. This time, it was the voice in my head that tried to define my success and keep me from moving forward. That voice was the accumulation of all the others’ voices which were akin to a pot of lobsters pulling their escaping comrade back down into the boiling water to die. What would my colleagues think of me; what would the judges I looked up to say? These were the voices of others I played in my head. That recording played until I stepped back and realized allowing those voices to keep me in the practice of law would be the ultimate weakness. Because I believed in my own power to succeed and create something lasting and impactful, I would not allow those voices to hold me back.

I used several tools I’ve honed over the years to deal with that inner voice. First, I stepped back and recognized that the voice was trying to keep me safe. Change, any change, is challenging and the human brain hasn’t evolved all that much over the millenia. Next, given that understanding, I knew it was a matter of changing the frame from one of fear to one of excitement because the neurochemicals are identical with both emotions. Lastly, I connected with my vision and realized that, in order for that vision to become a reality, I needed to define my own success. 

How do you allow others to define your success? Is it the way you default to money as soon as someone mentions wealth? Is it in grinding because to be seen as not grinding is considered by others to be a sign of laziness? Is it working crazy hours and ignoring your relationships because that’s what society believes is required to be a successful lawyer?

If you answered “yes” to any of the questions above, you are, I’m sorry to say, being deprived of your POWER. Regardless of how successful the world may think you are; you are, in fact, weak. Think about how much bigger your life could be if you stepped into your power! Working with me as your coach can help you understand the purpose of those voices and, at the same time, develop a strategic plan to move forward towards true success, as only you can define it. We’ll shatter the platinum cage you’ve allowed others to build that holds you in and you’ll think bigger than you ever have before. I will draw back the curtain so you can truly understand the insanity of allowing people, many of whose lives may look “Instagram-worthy” on the outside, to be truly miserable on the inside. We’ll define your future, and you’ll work towards achieving that future each and every day.

If you’d like to learn more about what a coaching relationship with me can mean to you, CLICK HERE reserve a 30-minute appointment with me.

DIGNITY: THERE’S NEVER A GOOD REASON TO SETTLE

I believe every person is entitled to the DIGNITY of self-determination. After all, this trait is what makes us uniquely human. But with dignity, comes responsibility; the responsibility to never settle for almost good enough or having any area in your life rate a 5/10. There is never a good reason to settle.

I came to understand my belief there’s never a good reason to settle in my early teen years and have honed and sharpened it throughout the course of my life. When I was fourteen years old, my father died suddenly of his second heart attack. In all honesty, he had settled without dignity for much of the time I can recall. Although he was an entrepreneur, he was unhappy and unfilled. He settled at work, meaning he worked way too many hours, for not enough reward, to the sacrifice of his family and his relationships. He settled with his health because, you see, when he died at 43 years old of a massive heart attack, it was his second one. He did not take care of himself after his first cardiac event at the age of 37. He settled for a small life, a life he thought he could achieve instead of a full life in the years he had. At the end of the day, his time on earth was short and, if I had to hazard a guess, unfulfilling life. We are not promised tomorrow; to me, that means there is never a good reason to settle. In any area of life. Period. 

I found myself following in my father’s proverbial footsteps when I was tempted to settle for my first job out of law school. I had been working for a prosecutor’s office in Southern California during school and was offered a position. The commute was more than two hours each way and involved driving to the train station, taking the train, then taking a bus. Wash, rinse, repeat. Additionally, the work wasn’t exciting. But, I thought: “Hey, it’s a job and pays well.” Then I realized what I was doing and couldn't believe it! I was being tempted to settle because I wasn’t thinking of the second- and third-order consequences of the decision I was going to be making. Thankfully, I caught myself in time and didn’t settle. My life, the life of my family, and the life of my community in Boise are so much better then they ever would have been if I had taken that job. 

Where are you settling for less than you want? Rate yourself in each of the following categories on a scale of 1-10 with 10 meaning that area is all you could ever hope for and 1 meaning you are so far away from great or outstanding that you can’t even think of how you’ll get there. Pay extra attention if you are pulled to rate yourself a 7…that’s a meaningless score and is, in fact, settling in and of itself.

Career/Profession

Personal Finance

Personal Development 

Relationships (Intimate and Social)

Health/Aging

Fun & Enjoyment

Family/Parenting

Spiritual Awareness

The total possible score is 90 because of the two relationships categories. If your aggregate score is greater than or equal to 60, we should explore working together. Working with me as your coach, we’ll take a brutally honest look at these areas of your life and explore why you’re not quite reaching your goals. With an aggregate score of 60 or more, you’re feeling the pain of being close but…not…quite…there. We’ll also make sure you’re not settling, even when you reach what you perceive to be a 10/10 in any category because, frankly, you are thinking too small if you are a 10/10 and not growing as a person. Finally, we’ll have you construct a lawyer-worthy life of legacy, impact, freedom, and energy so that, when your race is run, the only regret you’ll have is you didn’t start working with me sooner.

CLICK HERE to reserve a 30-minute appointment with me.